mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
