Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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