It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
