High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
