too bad you live with your parents still
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
