So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
