I wish they made helmets for livers.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
