Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
