I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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