WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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