he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
