There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
