Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
