so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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