you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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