I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
