He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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