We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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