This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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