no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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