called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
