i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
