dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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