Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
