I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize