I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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