so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize