I heard we made out
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
