Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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