Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize