If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
