Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
