We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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