if you like me you must not know who I am
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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