tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
