everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
