I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I would ride that face into the sunset
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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