I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
