Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
