Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
