i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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