sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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