i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
