we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
