Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
