im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
