i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
