you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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