just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
