July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
last night I used snow as a chaser
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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