Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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