Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize