Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize