What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
