she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
