Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
