are you still at the devil's house?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
