You're my little dorito
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
