there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
