i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
