My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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