Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
