I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
