hotel room ftw
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize