Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize