Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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