they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
