She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
