did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize